Thursday, November 16, 2006

Time with myself

Six days alone, completely, on the edge of a cliff. Not only did I survive but I thrived. Apart from shop keepers and fellow walkers I spoke to no-one but myself. And do you know what? I made a discovery, I am pretty bloody good company! I think I may even invite myself on holiday again one day, we had a blast.

I have been away on my own plenty of times before, but have never actually spent so much time alone. I usually meet people, make holiday friends and enjoy being anyone I want. This time it was me and me alone.

I walked and walked, laughed and cried and let my mind wander with me. I traveled miles both by foot and in my head. It was liberating, refreshing and relaxing beyond belief. My face is smiling my eyes are bag-less and my mind is still full of expansive skies and thundering cliffs. I broke through barriers and felt freedom I had never know, I am hanging on to it as hard as I can, fighting off the walls that are slowly closing in and swallowing back the sky.

I was expecting, possibly hoping, to come across life changing realisations. I didn’t. The only resolutions I have made to myself are to do it again and to buy a milk jug. Breakfast in the bay window overlooking the Atlantic was refined by the presence of a blue and white stripy jug in place of the opaquely plastic, green topped, bottle which usually graces my breakfast table. I cooked local fish and knitted. I devoured newspapers, books and dvd's and all too soon it came to an end. But I have dispelled a fear, a fear of alone-ness, which has given me a strength never felt before.

Something, I feel, has changed inside, clicked back into place and made me whole. I am moving on, striding forwards and getting over things that need to be archived in the past.

I am still trying to figure it out, but I noticed something strange. People in ‘the country’ seem to spend an awful lot of time sitting in parked cars.