Give us a break Ken

I feel exhausted. Four days back at work and that elevated feeling of relaxation has been shattered. Just getting out of bed and facing the day after a yet another sleepless night takes all my energy. I have bags under my eyes, my frown lines look like tectonic faults and my teeth are aching from grinding them at night.

hey ho.....and last night I got a letter from Ken.

For one naive moment when I read TfL on the envelope, I thought that someone was finally, officially, acknowledging that I was there on 7th July. No-one ever has. All the help and support I have received I have found on my own and through the help and advice of my fellow passengers at Kings Cross United.

Then I opened the letter. A bloody fine! Apparently I was filmed driving in a bus lane at midnight (0.00 exactly!) on Shoreditch High Street on 12th November. Thanks Ken.

I know the law is the law, and just because my train blew up & just because I was ill doesn't make me above the law. But really, a bus lane at midnight? Have you ever tried catching a bus at midnight? They are few and far between. I fully support them during the day, and in rush hour, and I never knowingly drive in them at these times. I always check the sign to see when they are active, obviously this time I didn't, I just assumed that midnight would be ok.

I remember that night. I went to dinner at my godmother's. Her husband has just left her. Aged 65 she has had to move in with her newly married daughter. My parents were going and I felt obliged to go even though I hadn't really been out for weeks. I was still off work at the time suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was going through a particularly low stage where I just didn't want to see anyone. However it was my godmother, and my parents, I had to go.

I was miserable company all night & drove home feeling guilty that I hadn't made more effort to be cheerful, but I couldn't, it all seemed so meaningless. I remember driving through Shoreditch too, I had my window open as I was having a fag, the roads were busy, people out on a Saturday night having fun. A mini pulled up next to me at the lights, the guy in the passenger seat wound down his window & said 'my friend really likes your car'........'thank you' I replied 'I like it too!'. My mood was transformed in an instant, I drove home with a smile on my face.

Ken wiped that smile off last night. I know he doesn't know, but still. I have spent a small fortune on cabs since 7th July. I didn't get back on a tube for 6 weeks, I still avoid it if I can. I was off work for 2 months, I then went back part time & was paid a fraction of my salary. Now I get stung with a £100 fine. It's not worth fighting, it will just cause me even more stress. I will just pay it and try to forget about it.

I have had my forms to claim compensation from Ken's charity, that he set up after the bombings, for months. I have been undecided about claiming as I felt that there were so many others who needed it more than I did.

Last night I filled them in. Today I will post them.