Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Tonight I am weepy

So much for the year of the Dog. I got a card today, from a friend in Malaysia, with a picture of her dog, it made me smile.

I am so so tired. I can't sleep, I can't work. I was invited to a party tonight, a friend is having a launch party for his new company. Free booze, in a bar in Old Street. I am at home, being weepy. Pathetic, but I just couldn't face it.

I have just been reading 'A journal by the father of a son diagnosed with schizophrenia'. It is all so familiar, except it is my friend in hospital, not my son. It doesn't make it any easier though, and it made me cry. Our relationship has been helped by my PTSD. He was always very defensive about his illness, tried to convince himself, and me, nothing was wrong, it was just us, ganging up on him, getting him sectioned. But now that even sorted old, strong old Holly needs to see a shrink, he has opened up. He sends me cards telling me he knows how I feel. He talks about his sessions with his psychiatrist. He has looked after me and I think that has helped him more than anything, after having me look after him for all these years.

I am tired of feeling like this. I need the darkness to pass and the sun to rise. I am beginning to bore myself with this misery.

Tomorrow will be better.