I'm half way there
It’s been a hard slog but I’m starting to win.
I made the decision to do this alone, visiting the doctor seemed pointless.
My mind was set and it couldn’t be changed, I was ready and that was that.
After weeks of fighting the turmoil inside I finally succumbed to the advice of my friends.
‘You can’t do this alone, go get some support or you won't come out the other end'.
I picked up the phone and found a slot that was right at the end of the day.
At least it meant the week end could begin before it usually does.
I don’t really have a GP as such. I usually see whoever I am given.
It is always a gamble and I sometimes I lose.
This time I came up trumps.
She had actually read my notes, for a start, and knew why I was taking these things.
Her eyes grew with surprise as I told her my tale;
‘I’ve been biting them in half for a month!’
‘There are pill-cutters, you know?’ she smiled with despair,
‘I’ll give you a smaller dose’.
I described my fatigue and my aching head and the sleep that was broken each night.
‘Stay on this dose for a while’ she said.
See if it settles and come back in three weeks.
So on I struggled and gave up the booze, it only makes me cry.
I can’t go out as I’ll only succumb, so it’s been a dull old time.
The friends were back on the case again, ‘vitamins are what you need!’
My pharmacist told me B was the thing mixed with vitamin C.
I bought a brown bottle, they stink to high heaven, and consequently so does my pee.
Perhaps that was it or perhaps it’s just time but the gloom is beginning to clear.
In time it will settle and then I’ll go back and cut my dose again.
I’m tired of it all but I know I’ll succeed, this is the only way through.
I need a break, to walk on a beach and fill my lungs with sweet tasting air.
I might go to Scotland and hide on an island; fill my ears with melodious words.
Just be alone with my thoughts and myself and write it all down in the sand.
Wherever I go, whatever I do I'm just seeking peace in the end.
A moment for me away from my life, then come back and start over again.