Thursday, November 23, 2006

Kick up the backside

Thanks for the kick up the backside tag Rach. I needed it. I am suffering from a severe case of the 'to blog or not to blog' dilemma. Blogging, for me, over the past year has been both therapeutic and inspirational. It has helped me to share my ups and downs and rants with you all. I have received support and advice which has warmed my heart and strengthened my resolve to keep on keeping on. I have also discovered a love and the joy of putting words together to convey thoughts and feelings and sights and sounds. It is sometimes a struggle but always a satisfaction and having discovered this secret I never want to give it up.

BUT there is a hovering but. I started this blog to help me through the aftermath of the bombs. It has got me through and perhaps given a little strength to others too. I don’t much write about bombs any more, but there are days when I do, when I must, when I need to. I am moving on, traveling forwards and leaving some of the aftermath behind me and writing this blog somehow always takes me back there. I am wondering whether the time has come that it is no longer a positive thing in my life. My mind is constantly racing through words which could be posted, I never want to lose the thrill of writing, but recently it has felt like a burden. Like homework which has been hidden under the bed. I haven’t wanted to write it, but have been nagged by guilt at the same time. ‘Don’t give up, you know you love it says voice number one’. ‘It just takes me back, it’s becoming a chore’ says the opposing voice in my head. I enjoy it once I start and wonder why I’ve been putting it off, but I wonder I wonder, would it be healthier to stop?

Meanwhile, from Rach, top ten things I would never do:

1 – Refuse a drink
2 – Regret anything …ever
3 – Play the Lottery
4 – Trust a politician
5 – Use cheap moisturizer
6 – Cancel a holiday
7 – Give up dancing
8 – Read Harry Potter
9 – Let down my friends
10 – Go pot holing