Sunday, February 05, 2006

Ladies who lunch

I seem to have been doing a lot of lunching lately. I always like the idea, but in reality I’m not so fond of it. You tend to arrive home, early evening, slightly drunk, unable to enjoy the rest of the night, but too early to go to bed.

Here I am after one such lunch. It was Claire’s birthday, we had lunch at her parent’s. I didn’t want to go. I never want to go to anything these days, but I do it because I know I have to, it’s part of my ‘recovery’.

I was shaking and sweating and nearly in tears but I went. I had knitted her a scarf (I will tell you about my knitting addiction later) and she was over the moon about it.

I have known her parents for years, I worked for her dad, but still I found it hard going. I kept sneaking outside for a fag. It wasn’t that I really needed or wanted a cigarette, I just had be on my own. It was all chit chat, most of her friends work in film and there was gossip flying around. My mind was preoccupied, I couldn’t decide whether those Mohammed cartoons should have been published or not.

I think they should have, and I am angry that the extremist Muslim minority are giving the general community such a bad name. That’s what I think is happening, it was a bloody cartoon for god’s sake, They may have insulted Mohammed in a manner that westerners cannot comprehend, but at the end of the day it was a joke. The general Muslim community are not violent, the extremists are leaping upon this opportunity to promote their cause. It is tragic and pathetic at the same time.

That was what was on my mind today. Apparently Katie Holmes has been artificially inseminated by Ron Hubbard, founder of the Church of Scientology, as Tom Cruise is gay. That’s what I learnt at lunch. I am normally a girlie gossip right up there with the rest of them but I just didn’t care.

Then the drama stories started. ‘We have been burgled 3 times in as many months’.’ I was followed to work by a stalker as my chauffer drove me’. It was all traumatic, none if it was nice. Everyone was sympathetic, shocked, ‘oh you poor things’. They all know my story, but I couldn’t mention it. I didn’t want to, I couldn’t ruin the occasion. But I can admit to feeling riled that others were getting such sympathy about being burgled. It seems that when you have been through something like I have it is too much for people to deal with. Not only do you have to go through the shit, but you don’t even get any sympathy. At the end of the day I know that sympathy won’t help, I know the only person who can sort this thing out is me. I am so fed up of being miserable. Sometimes I feel like shouting out to the world & letting them know how bad I am really feeling, but then again I just want to keep it to myself. This is my trauma, this is my life.

Anyway, on a happy note, I heard the most wonderful news today. That’s all I’m going to say.